Witch vs. Sangoma

Big news in Chicago today is that R. Kelly, Grammy-winning pedophile and child pornography producer, was acquitted of all charges against him.  This is sort of like the OJ case, except if OJ had videoed himself killing Nicole Brown.   I guess that proves that R. Kelly doesn't need a 13 year old girl to get off. 

In other news, the advertising revenue of this blog is up to $7.74, which means I'm making about $2/hour.  

I solicited suggestions on what the hell to post about today, and received two responses:

"In your next post, I think you should explore your obviously repressed fear of witches.  Did you have a run-in with a sangoma when you were a kid?" and "an entire post about auntie-o and her awesomeness."  I think I'll go with both, and thus not have to award the promised prize, which doesn't exist, at least not until I get my thousand BumDad t-shirts.  Ahh, trickery and treachery!  Two of my favorites.

Let's start with the witch allegations and save making fun of Aunt B for tomorrow, when she'll be away from the internet, on her way to Indonesia, and miserable wondering what I've said.  Maybe I give myself too much credit.  No?  Okay, didn't think so.

In fairness to me, despite the multiple references to witches, I have only been referring to one person, our hypno-birthing teacher.  And I stand by my assessment that she may well be into witchcraft.  She has a humped back, crazy eyes and the aforementioned moles of Satan.  I am also willing to bet that if we tossed her into Lake Michigan with weights attached to her she would sink, and I would be vindicated.  

Now, the question of a run-in with a sangoma.  Well, first of all, what the hell is that?  According to Wikipedia a sangoma is "a practitioner of herbal medicine, divination and counseling in traditional...societies of Southern Africa," also know as a witch doctor.  In Botswana, where I grew up, people would go to witch doctors for treatment of various maladies, and also to put curses on enemies.  Seems like George W. Bush could use a good sangoma right about now.  But anyway, no, I didn't have a run-in with a sangoma, but I do have a respect for them.  I mean, why risk it?  I don't need to get cursed.  I'm not huge into the whole organized religion thing, but I'm not going to roll a joint with page from the Bible, either.  The flagpole at the school right across the street from my condo got struck by lightning last summer.  I think it may have been a warning shot.

Another cool thing about sangomas is that they give out muti.  Muti is "traditional medicine," and can range from echinacea-type plants to marijuana, to asbestos if you're a dick.  Although you do have to question the sangoma prescription for AIDS treatment--muti and sleeping with ten virgins.  South Africa's presumptive next president is a believer in that treatment, though.  Awesome.

Which brings me to the whole point of this discussion, the nexus if you will, and that is wouldn't it be cool if they made a movie called Witch vs. Sangoma?  It would be like Alien vs. Predator, but guaranteed to be better because that was one of the worst movies ever.  I can see it now, you'd have the witch brewing up potions and dispatching birthing advice, and the sangoma hanging out selling weed--I mean muti--and telling people to sleep around to cure their ailments.  Gee, who do you think would win?  Hollywood, here I come.