Beautiful weather in Chicago this week, cloudless, not humid, warm. What better time for an unemployed person like myself to play some golf? On the subject of golf, I saw this video this afternoon, and although I've done some stupid things before, this has me beat. Wow!
When I got home from golf, my daughter was napping. When she woke up she greeted me with the biggest, warmest, most sincere smile I've ever seen. She is awesome. She also continues to grow at a ridiculous rate. Since the heart-melting smile she has proceeded to actively eat for three and half of the last four hours. And she doesn't fuck around, either. When she decides she's hungry, she seems convinced that starvation is just around the corner, and will try to eat anything in site. A few days ago she latched on to my neck and gave me a hickey. While she's trying to locate a food source, she opens for mouth as wide as possible, python-like, and I worry she'll dislocate her jaw. When she thinks she's found something that might be a boob, she slams her head into it. Like a hammerhead shark, I guess. Last night she just about concussed herself on my collarbone as I carried her to my wife. Of course, after slamming her forehead into my collarbone, she lets out a howl and looks at me like I'm the asshole. Women...she's learning the ways of her sex early. I am outnumbered and I know it. Best to play golf.
Luckily neither my wife nor I are working, so dealing with the leech baby is not as bad as it might be. The worst consequence for me--my wife's the one who has to deal with her latched on non-stop-- is that she has several nicknames that we call her by that all have to do with her voracious appetite. There's Sumo and Pork Chop, and my current favorite, The Hungry Hungry Hippo. Remember that toy from the 80s? The four hippos that you controlled, and you tried to get your hippo to eat as many marbles as possible? She knows the game, and she's damn good at it.
The only problem with these nicknames is that we've got to stop using them well before she realizes what they connote. The last thing I want is a little girl who thinks, "Great, my daddy thinks I'm a hippo. I need a donut friend." Maybe I'll run a competition on this site--"Nickname my Daughter." Monkey and Stinkypants are already in use.
1 comment:
Well, I've got mine: Taddie's/Grandma's/Nanna's Precious Baby Darling. I know that was Nannie's for Anna and at first I didn't want to copycat it, but I can't think of anything sweeter. It's seems pretty perfect.
So for me she will be Precious Baby Darling the Second.
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